As a pastor, I have presided over and preached for several funerals. These are bittersweet times. If it is a Christian who has died, we know that he or she is absent from the body but now present with the Lord (2 Cor 5:8). Jesus Christ was always there for this person in life, there in the final moments before death, and there to welcome His own to heaven (Ps 23:4; Phil 1:23). Even if the dead was not in Christ, it is still an honor and joy to point folks to Him by giving the gospel in a time of loss.
Sometimes it has been a funeral of just three people where I said a few words and sang “Amazing Grace” at the graveside. Sometimes it has been more formal service, whether at a funeral home or a church’s building. Some funerals had fewer people, some more, and if children were present, there were sometimes more and sometimes not so many. Sometimes none at all.
Whatever the size or venue, here’s a question for parents to consider: should you take your children to a funeral?
My answer is a sure yes, and here are several reasons why.
Your child will face his own death one day.
Though an uncomfortable thought, “It is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment” (Heb 9:27). As eulogies and sermons faithfully point to Christ, your child will hear how the hope of the gospel overcomes death. Christ died for sin, arose, and sits in heaven above. At our resurrection, He will come again to call His own to Himself, both the dead and those who remain (1 Thess 4:13–18). A Christian who dies is in the “in-between” of earthly life and resurrection, an existence free of sin and suffering with Christ above (2 Cor 5:1–10). A child will hear and think through all these truths and more at a funeral, especially if he knows and loves the one who died. He will have to think through these truths as they apply to him as he thinks of his own inevitable death. Funerals can be gospel moments, leading to opportunities to talk through these realities with your child.
Your child will face your own death one day.
Seeing people die, processing what has taken place… who better to teach them about such things than you as parents at a funeral for someone else? Then, by the time you yourself pass away, there is a bed of truth within your child that God can use to encourage him through your death or the death of any other loved one.
Your child will gain more wisdom from thinking about death than living a life of fun and games.
Sometimes parents want to protect their children from the harsh reality of death by keeping them from a funeral. But Solomon says, “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go a house of feasting. Because that is the end of every man, and the living takes it to heart” (Ecc 7:2). Moses prayed, “Teach us to number our days, that we may present to you a heart of wisdom” (Ps 90:2). Yes, there are times to laugh and enjoy life, but life also has occasional funerals when we weep and mourn (Ecc 3:3). I’m certainly not saying that children or all of us must live life as a perpetual dirge. Children are children, and as I’ve seen, their natural joy can be a great source of encouragement to the grieving, even at a funeral. But when the funerals come, children should come to them as well. Shielding them from reality may actually cripple them from knowing how to handle what will inevitably come their way.
Your whole family will honor the dead and encourage the grieving.
People notice if you think well enough to honor the dead by bringing your whole family. It can greatly encourage the grieving as well (if they are able to notice these details in the midst of their grief). They might also notice if it appears you want to make an obligatory visit while the kids stay home or do some other nonessential activity. Yes, there are times when we must miss funerals because of God-given obligations that take priority even in the event of a death, but, generally speaking, not many things override the priority of honoring the dead and encouraging the living in the event of a funeral.
You can teach your children how to minister to the grieving.
Apart from the funeral itself, children can learn by example that friends can minister to the grieving in many ways. Providing meals at a busy time, helping make decisions about the funeral and burial, following up to encourage as time goes on—there is no end to opportunities to minister to the grieving if one simply has eyes to see. As Christians, a funeral should simply be one of many ways we encourage the grieving. As children hear their parents receive thanks for their ministry in the event of a death, they learn by example how they can similarly serve in time to come.
Your children may need the encouragement from the funeral as well.
If your child knew the deceased, what better way to encourage your child than to attend the funeral? Christian funerals have many means of grace: fellowship, prayer, hymns, the reading of Scripture, and the preaching of God’s Word. God ministers grace to us with all of these things every time the church gathers. In many ways, a funeral is simply a special type of service by the church. When we lose a loved one, we all need this encouragement, whether adult or child.
We could add more reasons, to be sure, but the reasons above, I hope, are sufficient to encourage parents to take their children to funerals as opportunity allows. Your children will be the better for it!
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Photo by panyawat auitpol on Unsplash