Husbands and wives find much in Scripture for how to love and respect one another (e.g., Eph 5:22–33; 1 Pet 3:1–7). This post focuses on one short passage, Colossians 3:18–19.
“Wives” are commanded briefly, “be subject to your husbands” (Col 3:18a). The command to “be subject” is to submit oneself, and, as a wife to a husband, as a helpmeet or helper to him as head of the home (cf. Gen 2:18; Eph 5:22, 24, 33). Implied is that wives must love their husbands as well (Titus 2:3–5). A husband will appreciate his wife’s beauty with his eyes, but more beautiful still in God’s eyes is the beauty of her gentle and quiet spirit, showing a love for the Lord (cf. 1 Pet 3:1–6). A husband trusts in such a woman, is respected because of her, and gives her verbal praise (Prov 31:10–12, 23, 27–29).
This submission to a husband “is fitting in the Lord” (Col 3:19b). The Greek word for “fitting” or “proper” is used only two other times in the New Testament, describing thanksgiving and forgiveness (Eph 5:4; Phm 8). Like other Christian actions, so also is a wife’s submission—something fitting and proper before the Lord Jesus Christ. Otherwise, her attempt to domineer can be like a continually dripping rain, an unrestrained wind, and oil in the hand—uncontrollable things that take the pleasure out of life (Prov 19:13; 27:15–16). A man with such a wife will be tempted to run to the corners of his home or even far away (Prov 21:9, 19; 25:24).
“Husbands” are likewise commanded briefly, “love your wives” (Col 3:19a). Paul elaborates elsewhere that the model of a husband’s love for his wife is found in Christ who loved His bride, the church, even unto death (Eph 5:25–27). Another picture is simple—as one loves his own body, so also a husband should nourish and cherish his wife (Eph 5:28–29). This love shows itself through companionship and dwelling according to a wife’s interests, dreams, and desires (1 Pet 3:7a). It means recognizing her as a fellow heir of the grace of life, someone made equally in the image of God (1 Pet 3:7b).
Paul adds the prohibition, “And do not be embittered against them” (Col 3:19b). This command has the idea of a husband’s tendency to be harsh with his wife, perhaps provoked by sin. As a noun, “bitterness” is kin to “wrath and anger and clamor and slander,” all things means and terrible and certainly not for a husband to express to his wife (Eph 4:31). The remedy for embitterment, whatever the reason for it may be, is kindness, compassion, and forgiveness—all found and pictured in our Lord Jesus Christ (Eph 4:32). The husband who treats his wife harshly, whether actively through anger or passively by neglect, hinders his relationship with God at the least and shows a lack of faith at the most (1 Pet 3:7b; cf. 1 Tim 5:8).
If Christ is in the middle of a marriage, a wife will gladly submit to her husband, and the husband will gladly love his wife. May God give grace to our marriages today, and may all glory go to Him.
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